Time flies make a statement take a stand.
I have so much to say but I don’t know how to get it all out. Where to start or what I should say or just keep to myself. So this post may be unorganized and vague.
I guess since this is my blog I can say anything I want. Right?
Why is it that in every day life, I feel the need to keep my mouth shut, just to keep things peaceful? It is only when I’m pushed to a certain limit that I explode. This was one reason I started my blog. So I could say what is on my mind, but people liked what I had to say and now I feel like I need to watch what I say, so that I don’t upset anyone that reads my blog. It doesn’t make sense, does it?
Okay. I’m putting that aside and speaking my mind.
Why am I having such a hard time trusting? There aren’t many people I fully trust, without reservations. Why? I don’t even trust myself completely….this, as you may guess, can be a huge problem. How do I build trust? How do I fix this problem? I’ve been trying for months and I’ve tried everything I can think of. I know it’s not fully up to me to build trust with another person….but it is fully up to me to build trust with myself.
There may be some big changes coming up in my life. I can’t say what right now, but I’ve been so excited about them until I told someone extremely close to me and they weren’t 100% supportive. They put doubts in my mind.
One might say who cares? Don’t listen to them! But it’s never that simple, is it? Because even if I don’t listen to them at that very moment those concerns will still be in the back of my mind, waiting to rear their ugly heads when the opportunity strikes. When I least expect it.
Why can’t people be happy for me and supportive? When someone comes to me with something healthy that they’re excited about, I’m happy for them and supportive. I know they only want the best for me, but let me decide what’s best for me without their doubts!
So now my mind is racing about everything and it shouldn’t be! I should be just plain excited! Every time I’m so certain about something, someone comes along and makes me second guess myself.
What it boils down to is that I’m hurting people with my decisions, but if I don’t do what I feel is right, I’m hurting me. I’m scared now, when I wasn’t scared to begin with. Scared to make these decisions, scared to hurt others, scared to hurt myself, scared to make the wrong decisions and screw up my life again.
I know things are different now, but I also know how fast things can change and knock you off your feet. I don’t ever want to be back to that point ever again.
I need people to be supportive–no matter what decision I make. I need people to work as hard as I do to build that trust up. I need life to be simple. I need to be excited about something. I don’t need that excitement taken away from me.
It’s my life! Give it back! (And give it back in one piece.)